The Ultimate Hunger Games: The Squeakuel
by Maxworth
Summary: The epic sequel to the Ultimate Hunger Games. New competitors, a new arena, and even more stupidity than last time await you.
1. Setting the Stage

The Capitol. A massive city, home to the highest class of people in the world. Home to the viewers of the Hunger Games. Or in this case, the ultimate Hunger Games.

A crowd of eager, gayly dressed men and women sat below a long stage hidden in darkness. Then, like a strike of lightning, the stage lights turned on and illuminated the set.

In front of the crowd sat a circular platform. It was bright orange. On the opposite wall, a massive screen sat, large enough for all of the audience to see as well as the hosts of the show.

A wooden desk similar to one used on the news sat in the middle of the stage, and the hosts ran out from behind tall, red curtains.

The crowd clapped happily as Ron Burgundy, Seth Rogen, and Conan O'brien took their seats.

"Why hello, ladies and gentlemen," Ron Burgundy cooed.

The crowd exploded, roaring with excitement. Ron smiled and nodded at his co-stars.

"A-huh-huh-huh. I still can't believe I'm not high right now," Seth Rogen giggled.

Again, the crowd clapped.

Conan hopped up out of his chair and stepped towards the audience. His spit-shined shoes stood on the very edge of the platform, and he smiled slyly at the anxious crowd.

"The Ultimate Hunger Games were a real challenge for us. We did all we could to survive, and we had to get our hands dirty to be here today. And, although it was horrible, I have to admit it made one hell of a show," he said.

The crowd laughed.

"So after making it out of Candy Land alive, Ron, Seth, and I decided to make our own little production. We call it, 'The Ultimate Hunger Games: The Squeakuel.' We've gathered an elite group to fight in a unique battleground unlike anything you've ever scene. So let's fire this baby up!"

The screen burst to life, and Conan took his seat. Ron Burgundy stood up, and acknowledged his applause happily.

The screen showed a wide shot of a barren wasteland. A red sun beamed through a bleached, seeminly endless expanse of sand and dead seaplants. A rotten pineapple sat in the middle of it all.

Ron said, "We have successfully created a post-apocalyptic Bikini Bottom as one of our arenas. This new, horrifying world will present surprising challenges for our competitors as well as provide the maximum entertainment for you folks at home."

Ron swept his hand through his neat, brown hair as the screen showed a slowly rotating image of a young man in a leather jacket.

"Our first competitor has lead many fights for a revolution for mutant kind. He's got killer magnetic powers and a personality just as venomous. You can call him Magneto."

A clip played of Magneto hanging from a blackbird jet, his hand extended in front of him. From the ocean below, an entire Russian submarine was being lifted by Magneto's epic power.

The crowd cheered.

Ron Burgundy said, "Then we have a man as significant to American culture as myself... Movie star Bruce Willis!"

A squinty bald man crossed his arms and nodded confidently on-screen. A whole montage played of him shooting things and blowing them up.

The crowd roared.

"Then we decided to throw in a machine so game-changing that it's considered a competitor itself. It may not have a mind of its own, but Gypsy Danger is a weapon of mass destruction. There's a catch, however... The hundred foot mech needs two, count 'em! Two pilots to control. That means whoever uses Gypsy will need to form an alliance with another competitor in order to use him!"

The screen showed a massive blue robot being lowered by helicopter into the sands of bikini bottom.

Then a clip played of it smashing a monster over the head, using a boat as a sword.

"Next we have another actor, Will Smith!"

On screen, Will Smith nodded toward the audience.

The women wooed.

"Then we've got a true warrior. He used to work for Mung Daal's food service, but now he lives as a mercenary. The rock monster himself, SCHNITZEL!"

A furious, gray beast showed on screen. His head and neck were part of one, long tube. His arms were like tree trunks, and stretched from his scrunched shoulders to his short, stubby legs.

"Rada rada," he said on video while cooking up a meal.

"And if you thought that was cool, we also threw in the most beloved 'bot of all time! R2-D2!"

A clip of a round, trash-can like robot bumping into a wall played.

"After R2 we've got the director of SHIELD himself... NICK FURY!"

A furious man in a trench coat glared at the audience with his one eye. The other was covered by an eye patch.

"A nemesis of one of our fellow competitors, the Doctor, is next. Give it up for the Dalek!"

The crowd booed at the sight of a wide robot with a domed head. It had short arms that looked like cooking utensils.

"He knows everything that needs to be known: Sheldon Cooper!"

A tall, skinny nerd smiled awkwardly at the crowd.

"Live long and prosper... SPOCK!"

A clip of Spock doing the Vulcan hand gesture made the nerds in the audience whoop.

"He hates the world as much as it hates him. His name is Darth Maul!"

A horned, devilish Sith lord grinned with yellow teeth. A clip showed him standing in a crowd of Republic soldiers, lopping off heads with the two red blades on his double-sided lightsaber.

The crowd was speechless.

"He's not a real fun guy, is he? But our next competitor, DUMBO, is sure to bring some cheer!"

The crowd cheered as a delightful little flying elephant smiled on screen.

"The boy who lived, HARRY POTTER!"

Tweens in the crowd clapped the loudest, smiling up at a black-haired boy with glasses. He held a wand in his hand, and a confident smiler rested below a lightning shaped scar on the top of his face.

"Gamers know him and love him... MASTER CHIEF!"

A man in a green space marine suit nodded as clips of himself blowing up aliens played.

"Then we have Chef, the horrific cook from Total Drama Island!"

A ludicrous man glared at the crowd, a meat cleaver in his hand. Clips showed of his victims vomiting and rushing to the bathroom after each and every one of his twisted meals.

"A rapper and supporter of pot legalization... Snoop Dogg!"

Snoop danced to his music on screen, his dreadlocks brought back in a pony tail. He wore a pair of expensive glasses that sparkled.

"Another American actor and hero... Chuck Norris!"

Chuck Norris winked at the crowd, and they said nothing. He would more than likely be the victor of the games.

"He's not a rapper, he's an adapter! Eminem!"

The crowd applauded as an angry man glared at them from on screen.

"And his evil twin! Sliiiiiiim Shaaaaaady!"

The song "Slim Shady" played as a more ornery version of Eminem chuckled.

"He hates humans and that's why we chose him: Megatron!"

A beastly gray behemoth smiled with sharp teeth. His red eyes glared at the crowd, as clips played of him brutally demolishing Opimus Prime and his Autobots.

"Genius inventor and the man beneath Iron Man's armor... Tony Stark!"

A clever man held his chin thoughtfully. He winked at the camera, to the crowd's joyful amusement.

"She'll whine her way through these games and make songs about her relationships along the way! Miss Taylor Swift!"

A blonde girl smiled and played guitar on screen.

A collective, "Meh" rose from the crowd.

"She's supercalifragulisticexpialidocious... Mary Poppins!"

A bizarre, unseen clip of the beloved disney character played on screen. Neatly dressed and friendly as always, Poppins slowly descended from the sky, using her umbrella for transportation. She landed in the middle of a gang, and folded down her umbrella. One of the gang members, obviously an enemy of Poppins, lunged with a knife.

But Poppins held up her umbrella and it fired shots like a gun. Easily, she dispatched the entire gang and then took back into the skies.

The crowd clapped awkwardly.

"And the greatest kid ever... Numbah One!"

A bald, football-headed kid from the K.I.D.S. Next Door program frowned at the camera indifferently. He wore a red sweater too large for him and a pair of khaki shorts. Clips showed of him piloting home-made vehicles and battling evil scientists.

The crowd roared.

"This is gonna be a good one, folks! Enjoy the ride!" Conan shouted.


	2. It Goes Down

A ring of deadly warriors stood in the middle of a horrid wasteland. Between their burning eyes sat a pile of exotic weaponry, ranging from swords to rubber band guns. In the distance, the massive shell of Gypsy Danger lay in the sun.

The wind whistled, tossing the dull, grey sand about in the air. This was different from last time. These competitors knew what they were in for, and they were ready to kill.

In the distance, a voice rang out.

"LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE!"

That's when all hell broke loose.

As always, some competitors ran straight into the weapons while others jogged into the eternal nothingness, searching desperately for shelter.

Total Drama Island's Chef wielded the rubber band gun, chopping down the competition. He shot Dumbo out of the air, crushing R2-D2 below.

Megatron laughed wickedly, whipping his arm outward to loosen his wrist into a deadly throwing weapon.

With evil grace, he chucked his hand forward, piercing Chef's chest.

"Oooh! Look at those kills!" Ron Burgundy spectated. "Now you'll see our sick new death alert, too!"

The sound of Senor Chang yelling, "Hah gaaayyy!" echoed three times, signalling the destruction of Dumbo, R2, and Chef.

Megatron cackled, his fist flying back onto his metallic arm. His body smashed together, reshaping into the form of an alien jet as he took into the sky.

"Uhh... Do you guys think we might've put together an unbalanced fight here?" Seth Rogen asked.

"I often ask that myself... But damn, it makes good TV," Ron said, taking a sip of scotch.

Just then, Megatron came tumbling down out of the sky. He slammed into a large, rusty tub, the faded lettering on the front reading, "Chum Bucket."

Magneto smiled confidently, bringing his hands together and smashing Megatron to oblivion with his awesome magnetic might.

"Hah! Gaaaayyy!" rang out.

Eminem hid behind a rock with Snoop Dogg. He was armed with a measly baseball bat, and snoop carried a solid gold katana.

"Lucky son of a $%&amp; ," Eminem remarked.

"Hey. Not my fault a brotha know where to find weapons, Slim," Snoop said.

"Shh! That ain't me! Slim's on his own in this $&amp;#^!" Eminem said.

Snoop Dogg giggled slowly, squinting as he said, "Aw yeah. Forgot about dat, doe."

Eminem rolled his eyes, peering over at an old kid's place, "Weenie Hut Junior's."

"Hey, check it out! Maul's gettin' down with Taylor Swift!' Eminem laughed.

Snoop Dogg pulled out a pair of weed-camoed binoculars, and spied the country star making out with one of the most dangerous Sith lords.

"Tha hell?" Snoop said, shaking his head as he put the goggles away.

"Interesting... We have a romance brewing!" Conan laughed.

"These games will be something to remember," Seth laughed.


	3. The Superior Schnitzel

Tony Stark is a hero. But doing his job is much harder when he doesn't have his Iron Man suit nearby.

But when he saw Gypsy Danger laying in the distance, a spark of hope fluttered in his greedy little heart.

Able to escape the mess at the beginning, Tony was armed with a tactical spork and a Covenant energy sword. He'd tried his hand at swordplay in the past, and was confident despite his odd weaponry.

After a bit of walking, he saw the massive hull of the Jaegar robot. Its limbs were spread out and its head hung to the side.

Tony smiled, jogging over to the head. Hopefully he'd have an easy enough time piloting this thing.

Upon reaching the head, he saw a small access hatch. He took a step forward, when a presence made itself known behind him.

Slowly clapping, Nick Fury said, "Well well well. Tony Stark. I hear you're pretty good with robots. How'd you like to pilot this bad boy with me?"

Tony turned around, and smiled.

"After what you and Cap went through? I'd be happy to lend a hand!"

Nick laughed, and took a step forward. Sadly, it was the last step he would ever take.

A gunshot rang out.

"Nick! NO!" Tony yelled.

He kneeled down, holding Nick's hand as the man's eye fluttered.

"Tell Black Widow... She got a fine booty..." Nick gasped. His last words.

Tony nodded.

"Oh I've already told her, buddy. But she'll be glad to hear it again, knowing it's from you."

Tony wiped tears from his eyes and looked up, to see Schnitzel standing proudly on the thigh of Gypsy, a sniper rifle in his hands. Senor Chang's call echoed.

"Rada," he growled beneath his waving bandana.

"You... Want to be my co-pilot?" Tony asked.

"Rada!" Schnitzel replied, hopping down. He put his rifle on his back and ran eagerly to Tony's side.

"Why the hell did you kill Nick? We could've worked together! He could've made you an Avenger!"

Schnitzel scowled, and said, "Rada rada. Rada rada rada rada, rada rada."

"He was a sneaky guy... But everyone deserves a second chance. I know as good as anyone," Tony remarked, thinking back to his old life before donning the iron suit.

"Rada!" Schnitzel cheered, jumping through the entry hatch and straight into Gypsy Danger.

Tony rolled his eyes and followed.

Inside were two devices that looked almost like elliptical machines. A pair of google glasses hung above each of the devices.

"That's how we control the thing," Tony said.

"Rada rada," Schnitzel agreed, sticking his stubby legs into each foot holder and sliding the google glasses down his forehead.

Tony did the same, and lights around the cockpit lit up.

"Synchronization commencing. Prepare for minor mind melding," the voice said.

Tony flinched, as thoughts began to fill his head.

"Rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada rada!"

Sweat ran down Tony's temples, the word repeating itself over and over in his mind as nightmarish memories of a racoon-rabbit-bear-boy and a big-nosed blue chef in a kilt flooded his mind.

"Why is Schnitzel so angry? Does he have to take a poo?"

"Llllaaadies?"

Gypsy Danger stood up, presumably at Schnitzel's command since Tony was in intense pain.

The idiocy was almost too much. Tony could almost feel his IQ points draining away as his brain cells were slaughtered.

"What... What kind of life is this?" Tony gurgled, spit rolling down his chin.

"Rada?" Schnitzel asked, turning to see Tony unconscious.

"Synchronization failed. Pilot has died," Gypsy said, going dark right as it stood straight up.

"HAH! GAAAAYYYY!" Senor Chang roared.

"Rada! Rada rada!" Schnitzel cried as Tony slammed into the ground.

"Rada..." Schnitzel pondered, bowing his head in respect.

Although his mind was too much for Tony's, the genius's thoughts had come over to Schnitzel's brain loud and clear. Memories of saving the world and inventing were accessible to Schnitzel.

"Hey! I'm not dead!" a voice echoed in Schnitzel's head.

"Rada!?" a spooked Schnitzy said, looking around.

"My lord... It would appear that we're sharing your brain, big guy!" Tony said. "This is messed up. Is that my body?"

Schnitzel nodded, and said, "Rada? Rada rada?"

"Sadly, my body died right when Gypsy got up. We're gonna have to climb our way down, pal," Tony said.

"Rada rada," Schnitz grumbled.


	4. Illogical

Spock was ready to kill. It was only logical, and so his morals would not take any blows as he made his way to victory.

He had managed to find a phaser, and he had it set to kill. He crouched behind the side of a large, heavily windowed building. It was built in the shape of a crab cage, and the crooked sign above read, "Krusty Krab."

Spock peered inside, to see a large trash can bustling about. Only it wasn't a trash can. It was a large robot, with an egg beater and spatula serving as arms.

"Alien life?" Spock asked, creeping his way into the resaurant.

"Who is there? DESTROY! DESTROY!" the Dalek screeched.

Something whizzed past Spock's head, colliding with the Dalek in a dazzling explosion of flame.

"Hah! Gaaaayyyy!"

The Vulcan was sent flying backwards, out the door of the flaming building.

Spock coughed and asked, "Who is my savior?"

"It was I, sir. Sheldon Cooper!"

Spock turned around to see Sheldon making a delighted smile as he reloaded his RPG.

"Never got to use one of these before! And now I get to meet you!" Sheldon cheered.

Spock tilted his head, raising a hand to his chin.

"You have seen me before?" Spock asked.

Sheldon made the Vulcan peace sign, and said, "Live long and prosper."

"Nerds!" a voice yelled.

Spock and Sheldon turned, to see Darth Maul approaching.

Unable to find a Sith weapon, he carried two bright blue lightsabers, each illuminating his face eerily.

"Well if it isn't a member of my favorite fellow sci-fi franchise," Spock growled, pulling up his phaser.

"I've always been more of a Star Trek fan myself," Sheldon said, raising his RPG.

Maul chuckled, smiling evilly.

"Let's see if you Trekkies have what it takes to destroy a true sci-fi legend," Maul taunted.

Before the Trekkies could react, Maul raised his hand towards them. A push of invisible force shot forward, sending the nerdy pair tumbling backwards.

"This will be easier than I expected," Maul laughed.

He sent the toe of his boot into Spock's face, and brought his lightsaber up to the Vulcan's neck.

"Please... Don't!" Spock cried, wiggling fearfully on the sanded ground.

"Give me one reason not to," Maul asked, raising his blades."

"Sheldon! Wait!" Spock shouted, looking past Maul.

"Bazinga!" Sheldon giggled.

An explosion destroyed Maul.

Sheldon raised his fist triumphantly, striding into the rapidly fading smoke.

"Don't worry, Spock! I've saved you... Spock? Oh, dear!"

Below him, Spock's corpse lay.

"Oh... Why didn't I think of that?" Sheldon asked.

"Hah Gaaaayyy!" called out twice.

Sheldon crouched, picking up Spock's phaser.

"Maybe they'll think he committed suicide?" he said, placing the RPG in his hero's fried hands.

"What the heck was that?" Ron asked, spitting out his coffee.

Conan made an unapproving frown, looking out at the audience in disgust.

"Suicide? With... an RPG?"

The crowd laughed.

"I have to be high. There's no way this is real, Seth said."

"Oh but it is, Rogen. Oh but it is," Ron said.


	5. The Plot Thickens

"Think you can use dat wand to light my smoke, homie?"

"Ah!"

Harry Potter rolled backwards, away from the squinty-eyed rapper, Snoop Dogg, and his ally, Eminem.

"What... What do you want?" Harry whispered, pulling his wand on the two.

Night had fallen, and Bikini Bottom was even creepier beneath the glowing moon.

"He wants to know if you can light his weed, you # $!" Eminem shouted.

"No! That's disgusting!" Harry said, pocketing his wand.

"Awe, why you gotta play me like that, homes?" Snoop grumbled.

In the distance, a huge explosion burst into the air.

"What was that?" Harry asked, whirling around.

An armored space marine came charging at them, running from some invisible foe.

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" Eminem yelled.

Master Chief was distracted, but he wasn't going to miss this opportunity.

He chucked a grenade at the three.

"Throwit backit," Harry chanted.

The grenade soared back through the air, onto Chief's back.

"What the?" he shouted, just before the grenade sent him into the air.

Snoop, Em, and Harry ran over to where the soldier had crashed down. His visor was cracked, and he was favoring his left arm.

"Please... I don't want any trouble," he coughed.

"Yeah, right! I toss a grenade at all my friends!" Eminem yelled, smashing his baseball bat into Chief's helmet.

"Agh!" Master Chief cried.

Snoop Dogg held up his arm, holding Eminem back.

"I got dis," Dogg said with a nod.

From behind his back, the rapper pulled a golden katana.

"Night night," he cooed, slicing the blade through Master Chief's chest.

The space marine gurgled, and then his head lulled to the side.

"Hah! Gaaaaayyyyy!"

"Wonder what he was running from?" Harry asked.

"Eyes up, chumps!"

The trio turned around, to see something more bizarre than that crappy Superior Schnitzel plot twist from that earlier chapter.

Mary Poppins was gliding above, hanging under her umbrella, her feet holding Bruce Willis up by his armpits. The action hero was dual wielding assault rifles.

"RUN!" Snoop Dogg yelled.

Bullets ripped through the sand below their feet.

Harry whirled is wand around, forming a purple bubble. The space was very small, but the bullets harmlessly pinged off of its surface.

"Okay, what now? How long does this thing last?" Eminem asked.

Harry frowned, and said, "I'll keep it up as long as I can."

Poppins and Willis were circling like vultures above, the bullets coming only occasionally now.

"You'll have to put that shield down _eventually,_ dears," Poppins giggled.

"This is not cool," Snoop whimpered.

Then, a loud wheezing filled the air.

"You hyperventalating, Eminem?" Harry asked.

"Nah. That ain't me," Eminem said.

They looked up, to see a streak of light flying right at Mary and Bruce.

"What is that!" Bruce yelled, opening fire.

"Call me... NUMBAH ONE!"

The light was from the jet boosters on Numbah One's brown boots. He dodged the evil duo's bullets with ease, curving around and flying upward.

"Where did he go?" Mary cried in frustration.

"Up here, lady!" Numbah One shouted.

He pulled two guns from his pockets, each fashioned from soda bottles, cardboard, wood, and duct tape.

Laser fire rained down on Mary's umbrella.

"GOIN' DOWN!" Bruce Willis yelled.

Red light flickered in Harry, Eminem, and Snoop Dogg's eyes as they watched Mary Poppins desperately try to navigate her flaming umbrella to safety. But they were too high up.

The umbrella exploded finally, and the two villains fell faster than lightning to the ground.

Numbah One landed next to the magic bubble.

Harry closed it down, standing up to shake Numbah One's hand.

Numbah One didn't lower his weapons.

"What the $%^ is this?" Eminem shouted.

"You may seem alright... But you're still _Adults."_

Harry Potter facepalmed.

"Hah! Gaaaaaayyyy!"

"Look, you can trust us, kid!" Eminem reassured the K.I.D.S. Next Door agent.

"Yeah, dog!" Snoop said.

"Wait..." Harry interrupted.

"There was only one siren..."

The four warriors looked behind them, to see Mary Poppins, just barely conscious, now holding Bruce's assault weapons.

Numbah One raised his guns even more threateningly.

"I thought you were already dead. Looks like I'll have to finish..."

_Gratatata..._

Before Numbah One could finish his sentence, he was struck down.

"I never really liked children. It was all a ruse," Mary Poppins giggled evilly.

"_Avada cadavra!" _Harry yelled.

A burst of green lightning shot from his wand, slamming into Poppins. She shuddered violently, then slammed into the dirt.

"Nice goin', kid!" Eminem said.

"Hah! Gaaaayyyy! Hah! Gaaaaayyyy!"

"But... The kid," Snoop Dogg said, looking down at Numbah One with sadness.

"He was gonna screw us over anyways," Eminem said, picking up the kid's weapons.

"Where to next?" Harry asked.

"There," Eminem said, smiling at something in the distance.

The team followed his line of sight, to see the daunting silhouette of Gypsy Danger.

"You can't be serious," Harry said.

"Me and Snoop will drive. You'll be our... Extra power," Eminem said.

Harry shrugged, and followed them into the night.


	6. You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet

"Why'd you leave? Where did you go? These times are great, but now there's none to show," Taylor Swift mumbled, hurriedly scribling lyrics onto a note pad.

"Yo! Watchoo got there, pretty lady?" an obnoxious voice called.

Taylor squeaked, backing into the corner of Weenie Hut Junior's.

"Don't hurt me!" Taylor cried.

"Nah, you ain't my type," the voice said.

"But I wouldn't mind having a friend in all this."

The figure was silhoutted against the eerie light filtering in through the windows. A retro ray gun sat in one hand, while his other arm held a hidden blade gauntlet, worn by members of the Assassin's Creed.

"What's your name?" Taylor asked, setting down her pencil.

"I have a lot of names. Most of them I'm not comfortable saying out loud. Just call me Slim..."

Slim Shady sat down next to Taylor, peering at her notebook.

"Are you writing songs about %^$&amp;ing Darth Maul?"

"It's for my new album..."

A wicked cackle rang out in the air.

"Awwwooooo! Dahahahaahaa! Leedle leedle leedle lee!"

"The hell?" Slim Shady asked, peering out the window.

A massive pirate ship glided in the sky above, glowing a spooky shade of green.

"Attack, my children! Ahahahaha!" the voice of the Flying Dutchman shouted.

Outside, the sand rustled. Boney fins and skulls breached the dirt, pulling themselves from the land of the dead.

"We need to fend them off!" Slim shouted, rushing to the door.

"Shouldn't we try to be quie..."

Shady opened fire, green bursts erupting from his gun and shattering the skeletal bodies of the undead.

"Hmmm... This would make a great song," Taylor said with a smile.

"Would you shut up and help?" Slim Shady shouted.

Taylor grabbed a sniper rifle from behind a door, and positioned herself behind Slim.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"You learn a thing or two about guns when you've had 400 boyfriends," Taylor said, headshotting 5 undead fish.

"Yeesh. And I thought I had a problem settlin' down," Slim said.

"Hey!" Taylor said, slapping Slim in the head.

"OH! YOU DID NOT!"

"What?" Taylor asked.

"CHICKA CHICKA!" Slim yelled, grabbing Taylor and throwing her into the horde.

"AAAAAGH!" she screamed.

"Hah! Gaaaaayyyy!"

"Stupid girl," Slim growled, his furious face illuminated by the green glow of his weapon.


	7. War Has Started

"Rada... Rada rada!" Schnitzel cried.

"Oh, come on. It's not that high up!" Tony Stark's voice yelled in his head.

"Rada!" Schnitzel shouted in response.

Schnitzel was rappelling down the side of Gypsy Danger's hip. A dizzying drop lay just below his line of sight, and it took all he had not to look down as his stubby legs guided his journey down the robot.

"Hey! Hey! Little help down here?" a voice called.

"Rada?"

Out of curiosity, Schnitzel looked down at the ground. Hordes of undead fish were swarming a man in a leather jacket. He expertly dispatched them with his dual wield pistols, but it wouldn't be long before they got the best of him.

"Rada! Rada rada!" Schnitzel called down.

"Easy, now. We don't know the guy. I mean, that's Will Smith, but we don't know him personally. I should, considering I'm rich, but I don't. Kind of unfortunate," Tony said.

"Rada!"

"Right, right. You've got rock hard skin, so those guns of his should have no effect. Even so, be careful."

Schnitzel was about fifty feet away from the ground. The swarm drew ever closer to the Hollywood star bellow.

"RADA RADA!" Schnitzel shouted triumphantly.

Tony yelled, "NO! WHAT ARE YOU-"

Schnitzel dove off of Gypsy Danger's leg, falling at amazing speed with his fist in front of him. He smashed right into the center of the ground, scattering a small legion of undead.

The fish stumbled back onto their feet, and lead a charge on the cartoon character.

"RADA! RADA RADA RADA!" Schnitzel roared.

He picked up two zombie fish, and smashed their skulls together. Then he grabbed another, using it as a hammer to smack away its friends.

Will had his back, firing off rounds and taking down their foes.

"Yarg! They're putting up a good fight, boys! We can do better!" the flying Dutchman yelled.

Suddenly, his ship came into view. So did the ship's cannons.

"Take cover!" Smith yelled.

Cannonballs poured onto the scene, demolishing the Dutchman's own soldiers.

Will and Schnitzel ducked behind Gypsy Danger's massive foot, safe from the fires of the ship above.

Will said, "We're gonna need to operate this bot in order to take that freak down."

"Rada," Schnitzel said, shaking his head.

"Oh. Then we're royally screwed," Will said.

"Don't say that so soon!" a voice yelled.

Harry Potter charged in, with Eminem and Snoop Dogg close behind.

"Alliance?" he asked.

Will Smith scowled and nodded.

"Long as your friends don't cause any trouble," he said.

Eminem and Snoop were out of breath, wheezing as they joined the crew behind Gypsy's feet.

"Yo, fancy kid. Use dem magics on dat ship," Snoop Dogg said.

"You've got it," Harry said.

He leaned around the robot's foot, and screamed, "_Expecto patronum!_"

A stag errupted from his hands, galloping in the air towards the Dutchman's ship.

Its antlers stabbed into the ship's hull... And got stuck.

"NO!" Harry cried.

"We need to use this robot," Eminem said.

"Who's the $%^&amp;ing idiot that made it stand up?"

Schnitzel scratched the back of his head and chuckled nervously.

"You look pretty strong, dawg. Toss me up, then Eminem," Snoop said.

"Rada?" Schnitzel asked.

Snoop Dogg nodded, drawing his gold sword.

Schnitzel picked the rapper up, and chucked him into the air.

"Weeeeee!" Snoop Dogg yelled, gliding towards the massive faceplate of the Jaegar robot.

He stabbed his sword into the glass, weakening it enough to smash through.

"Ew!" he yelled, spotting Tony Stark's dead body.

He peered out of the robot's visor, to call for Eminem. A sniper shot prevented this from happening.

"HAH! GAAAYYY!"

Gracefully, Snoop Dogg flopped out of the cockpit and fell through the air.

"NO!" Harry cried out.

Snoop slammed into the ground, exploding into a puff of smoke.

"Listen, y'all are following me now. And I say you send up me and my bro," Slim Shady said, lowering his rifle.

"Uhhh... Rada?" Schnitzel asked, looking back and forth between Eminem and Slim.

"YOU MONSTAH!" Harry shouted, crying.

"He trusted you!"

"I didn't even team up with him, kid," Slim said, smacking Harry across the face and crushing his glasses.

Eminem threw a punch, sending his counterpart tumbling out of cover.

"Dammit!" Slim shouted, diving out of the way of a cannonball blast.

He tackled his brother behind the cover of Gypsy's foot.

"Stay away from me! It's all your fault! Everything!" Eminem cried.

"No! We are one in the same! You just take it all out on me!" Slim roared, smacking his clone.

Eminem backed away, breathing heavily.

"Alright. Let's do this."

"Rada?"

"Rada," Slim replied.

"We're screwed," Stark whined in Schnitzel's head.


	8. The Ultimate Battle

After a somewhat graceful glide, Eminem and Slim found themselves in the cockpit of Gypsy Danger.

"We take out the Dutchman... And then we waste the freaks below."

"Haha! That's my man!" Slim Shady laughed.

The two hopped onto the piloting devices, sliding the google glasses over their faces.

"Synchronization commencing. Prepare for mind melding," the robot's announcer called.

Eminem and Slim were already one in the same, so their thoughts blended perfectly.

The two brought their fists together, and so the massive body of Gypsy did the same.

"Yeah!" the team cried from below.

"Uh oh! We got trouble, captain!" Patrick Starr cried from the Flying Dutchman's ship.

"Fire all we've got!" the Dutchman shouted, raising his ghostly green arm into the night.

"LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE!" Patrick shouted, tilting the ship in Gypsy's direction.

"Let's do this!" Eminem cried, as Gypsy Danger began to jog towards the ghost ship.

The flying Dutchman opened fire as Gypsy's massive hand reached out.

"FOOLS!" a voice cried out.

Cannon fire erupted across Gypsy's chest as its legs crumped beneath it. The massive robot tumbled downward, smashing into and shattering the ghost ship beneath its weight.

The survivors below shielded themselves as the whole mess erupted in a massive ball of flame.

"HAH! GAAAYYY!"

Will Smith, Harry Potter, and Schnitzel looked up, to see Magneto hovering above.

"To use such a weapon around the master of magnetism is as foolish as you believing you stand a chance," Magneto sneered.

Will Smith's guns whirled around, picking off Harry.

"Hah! Gaaayyy!"

"No... It wasn't me... I didn't..."

"No, it wasn't you. It was me. And you're next," Magneto laughed.

The pistols flew from Will's hands, floating in the air in from of him and Schnitzel.

"Okay... When he opens fire... Take him out..." Tony whispered in Schnitzel's skull.

"Thanks for playing," Magneto laughed.

The two pistols went off.

Will went down with a "Hah! Gaaayyy!"

Schnitzel, made of rock, charged forward as the bullet harmlessly pinged off of him.

"What is this?" Magneto yelled.

"RADA RADA, RADA!" Schnitzel cried, tackling the supervillain to the ground.

Within Gypsy Danger's crumbled skull, Slim Shady lulled to consciousness.

"Em... No," he whispered, looking down the slope of the floor at his brother's limp body.

"This is for you!" he roared, willing Gypsy to crawl forward.

The massive robot dragged itself, flaming and falling apart. Pieces littered the ground as it wriggled toward the two competitors dueling.

"Rada rada!" Schnitzel roared, punching Magneto.

The villain fell backward, but quickly regained his balance.

"Uh oh!" he shouted, seeing a massive fist falling towards him.

"HRK!" he coughed, using his powers to hold the metal hand in the air.

Schnitzel noticed the massive shadow around him, looking up.

He cried, "Rada!" and rolled out from under the looming machine.

"I'M GONNA END THIS!" Slim roared over the Jaegar's loud speaker.

"Oh, it's only just begun."

Magneto turned around, to see a bearded man smiling at him.

"Ch-ch..."

"That's right. Chuck Norris, in the flesh."

Sweat pouring down his face, Magneto ripped Gypsy Danger's fist clean off.

"AGH!" Slim screamed.

Magneto threw his hand towards Chuck, willing the massive mechanical fist to do the same.

The impact sent a shockwave through the air, tossing Magneto backward.

Magneto tumbled through the sand, landing beside Gypsy Danger. The fire cast a cinematic glow upon the whole scene.

Magneto propped himself onto his right shoulder, laughing.

"Rada!"

Magneto's eyes went wide as Schnitzel stomped down beside him.

"NO!" he cried, willing a sharp piece of loose metal to fly through Schnitzel's rocky shell.

"Ra... Rada..." Schnitzel mumbled, falling to his knees.

"Come on buddy! Don't do this! Don't," Tony tried to say.

But it was over for the rock beast. Schnitzel plopped into the dirt.

Magneto looked up at Gypsy Danger's flaming shell.

"Hmph. Child's play," he murmured.

For a moment, the massive robot began to crunch inward as Magneto forced it to implode. Then, fire erupted and overtook the entire body.

"CHICKA CHICKA!" Slim cried one last time.

Then, two "HAH GAAAYYY"s called out, one for Slim and the other for Gypsy.

"I've won," Magneto said, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Not yet."

Gypsy Danger's fist shuddered.

"It can't be... Impossible!" Magneto cried.

Chuck Norris lifted the massive device off of himself, sending it rolling off to the side.

"Now I know I don't have a chance of taking you down with any weapons," Chuck began, dusting himself off.

"But there is one thing I can do!"

Magneto was too weak to stand. He tried to crawl away, but Chuck was embracing him within seconds.

"BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME, I, CHUCK NORRIS, UNLEASH THE POWER OF THE TEXAS RANGER!" he called, his voice booming across Bikini Bottom.

"NO!" Magneto cried.

Chuck Norris's body began to glow, a dull blue that quickly brightened.

Soon, he was a blinding neon light, casting away all shadow in a hundred mile radius.

He exloded, sending a brilliant column of blue into the air.

Lightning roared from the sky, branching out and connecting with the pillar.

"What in the universe is going on down there?" Conan yelled in the studio as the crowd cried in shock.

"I don't know, but it's gonna make the ratings soar," Ron said, taking a sip of scotch.

"If I'm not actually high, then I'm really concerned right now," Seth said with a disturbed face.


	9. The End?

Sheldon Cooper rubbed his eyes, his slumber interrupted by the sound of, "HAH! GAAAYYY! HAH! GAAAYYY!" followed by a massive firework display.

"Does this... Does this mean I won?" Sheldon asked, looking around in happiness.

A hovercar floated in, landing next to the nerdy sitcom star.

"Congrats, kid," Conan smiled.

He shook Sheldon's hand.

"I'm glad a guy like you won. You'll be crucial in the plotting for our next big event... Ultimate Hunger Games... The Third!"

Sheldon laughed awkwardly, and hopped into the passenger seat of the hover car.

"What an amazing game!" Ron shouted over the loudness of the crowd.

"I'd be hyped if I still wasn't freaked out over what I just saw... What the hell is Chuck Norris? How did he even..."

Ron put his arm around Seth Rogen's shoulder, and leaned into his ear.

"Don't question it. The crowd loved it, and that's all that matters.

The two made their way back stage, where Conan sat with Sheldon.

"So... has the genius come up with any good ideas for the next games?" Ron asked.

"Oh... You don't know the half of it," Conan said with a wicked smile.


End file.
